The Rose Bowl is the kind of venue that, if given the chance, I would squat in front of before entering. The story and setting are unmatched in college football. It’s the sport’s greatest cathedral outside of Notre Dame and…thin the Big 10 or SEC stadium is the least likely to drive you crazy here.
Of course, not everyone shares this feeling. Some people just want to watch the world burn, and by watching the world burn, we mean running onto the field Saturday night during an epic USC-UCLA game at the Rose Bowl. If you do, however, you will pay the price, as this young man found out when he got…JACKED!!! by a guard in what is by far the cleanest, most vicious strike of the year at all levels of football:
NIGHT NIGHT son. Poor guy got clocked so bad his phone flew in row 3. Hopefully they made a quick pit stop for the concussion log before throwing this guy in the clinch. You know you’ll feel it the next day when your legs go straight up in the air. A true declension:
Over 4 million people have now watched this guy obliterate on social media, making this guard an easy pick for college football weekend winner. If he told the speedster to “ice up son” in Steve Smith Sr. style too, he should win the Heisman.
(In this section we’re giving out helmet stickers to those who *almost* won college football weekend)
Five helmet stickers: Kirk Herbstreit’s foot warmers
When “College Gameday” aired at 9 a.m. Saturday morning, it was two degrees in Bozeman, Montana, and there were reports that ESPN’s equipment had literally frozen in the days leading up. Somehow the show ran smoothly, and 87-year-old Lee Corso, who missed several weeks of game day with health issues, survived the whole ordeal. And as far as we know, he didn’t need multiple people to warm up his feet like a certain co-host did:
Herbieeeee what are you doing my guy? I think we all knew he had a little diva in him and rightly so. He flies across the country to name every football game known to man, and he gets paid big bucks for it. But a personal foot warmer is Terrell Owen’s diva level. He knows:
That’s the “oh shit I’m getting killed on twitter” face if I’ve ever seen one.
Four helmet decals: Asher O’Hara
The name alone is worth a million helmet stickers. But the Sacramento State QB can also go full throttle. How about this for a tuddy?
Shadow by Jerome Simpson. real remember.
Three helmet stickers: TCU’s social media manager who definitely doesn’t do drugs
No idea what that means or why it has over 1 million views, but it’s provocative as hell and gets people going:
Two helmet decals: whoever stayed in the second half of Texas A&M vs. UMass
You had to be a sick pup to attend Saturday’s TAMU-UMASS at Kyle Field, but only the sickest of the sick pups stayed in the second half, meaning those who didn’t go after the band from Aggies played halftime:
By the time the schedule came out, Aggie fans likely had this laid out as a nice little late-season scrimmage before playing LSU, with a trip to the SEC title game and a berth in the college football playoffs on the line. Instead, it became arguably the saddest scene in the program’s history. Barely 10 in the fourth quarter against the 1-9 Minutemen with just three wins a year and absolutely nothing to play for. At least they finally stopped the bleeding and avoided a seventh straight loss? Small wins. Not the kind they envisioned when they signed head coach Jimbo Fisher to a decade-long contract.
Minus one helmet sticker: The umpires at the Michigan-Illinois game
If you thought these zebras were going to drop Michigan one ahead of the big one next week, you were dead wrong my friends:
What’s so frustrating about this call for Illinois fans and chaos/excitement fans in general is that it’s called “All Game” and then, in the biggest moment of the season, the umpires suddenly learn to swallow the whistle. If it was close or “tick-tock” as they say, then fine. But this is a blatant offensive passing glitch and literally shaped the outcome of the game. Tough break for the Illini and head coach Bret Bielema, who had a little post-game message on Twitter regarding the game:
Understandably salty. That loss completely threw them out of contention for the Big 10 championship game, which would also have given them an opportunity to get to the Rose Bowl with a second wonderful win over Ohio State or Michigan in Indianapolis. Strong second season for Bielema at Champaign but it’s hard to fault him for wanting a little bit more.